Can I go back?

I know this post is way after my month away in St. Augustine, but I just thought I'd update you on how things are post vacation.

I have never called my month in St. Augustine a vacation before. To me, at the time, it did not feel like a vacation. It felt like I lived there. I felt like I belonged there.

I miss the city so much I am considering going to Flagler College. When my family/friends/strangers ask why, I don't have a good/real answer besides "I love that place". It's hard because in my mind that does not sound like a justifiable answer. My parents don't want me to go, but said they would support whatever I choose. I know that when I was there I felt like I belonged. I now call this month a vacation because I know that if I move there, it won't be like the days of that month over again. It will be different and I will get homesick. What I had was a carefree vacation. One that maybe was too long?

When I first arrived in St. Augustine I felt really bored (this was before I had really started exploring). I even considered for a half of a second going home early. I cannot even imagine if I would have left there  and then, and never discovered this love I have for exploring.

Going to St. Augustine has shown me how much I love to travel and that I need to see the world in my lifetime. This feels impossible to me. The needs I have for electricity and the correct outlets for my medical equipment and my medicines makes traveling for long periods of time quite hard. However, I feel a little less tied down now that I've spent a month with "altered" respiratory therapies. The thought of leaving my family for a month felt impossible too in the car ride to the airport.

I've started to learn something I don't quite want to. That humans can adapt to just about anything. Any treatment (with Jaycee Dugard), any absence (moving away), and any feeling and condition. We adapt. Eventually we do not miss a friend or family member anymore. Eventually we learn to go without a popsicle. Eventually we learn to stop thinking about something we thought we wanted. Our relationships can fade into nothing. That scares me. That everything can eventually mean nothing.

I want to go back, that is for sure. I think about St. Augustine every day, but I know if I just let it go, eventually it'll fade into a long term memory, and I won't want it anymore.

Just my thoughts since I've been back.

Sarah